So that brings me more or less to recent times... 33 years old almost, living in the spare room of my folks home, (when I say folks I mean my moms, my dad doesnt actually live here thought does stay here sometimes...don't ask its complicated and thats a story for thier blog not mine), no job, no income, no partner, no offspring..and due to recent events only one friend in the world that isn't my relative.. my only companion throughout the whole thing is whichever dog I happen to have at the time (big dog lover, always have a pet dog..keeps you sane).

Before I continue I should back up a little in order to note something of some relevance. Around October 05' my mother had a fall at work, she was a manageress for a charity shop. And by November 05' she was beginning to suffering terrible pain in her groin and side so much so she was unable to work despite numerous attempts to return to her job. By December she is in hospital thinking she's looking at a possible hip replacement (she's in her late 50's)..the doctors have her on an opiate called Fentanyl, commonly given to post surgery or terminal patients.. indeed for a time there, the amount of pain she was in had them thinking cancer! thankfully it wasn't. However once she was taken off the Fentanyl she began to suffer intense and horrendous burning pains, which she describes as though someone was putting burning coals on her, as well as extreme nausea. The doctors ran test after test all of which apparently came back normal except for some deterioration of the spine, and a hiatus hernia and Di-vaticulitus she had...but the burning and the nausea continued to get worse.

Fast forward to the present day and suddenly I'm finding myself needed to become my mothers official carer as she continues to deteriorate, not something I ever thought I'd have to do, but at the same time not something I had to think about twice before accepting, she is my mum, enough said.

She still has all her marbles, but is in excruciating pain most of the time, no medication seems to work, she's losing weight due to her inability to eat much, the doctors are at a loss for the cause, and she's fast losing the will to cope with things.

Indeed I can, safe with all honesty say noone has actually felt true turmoil and pain until they have seen thier own mother reduced to tears like a wailing child and begging for someone to take her pain away, and being unable to provide any respite for her beyond a few soothing words and hopes that some cause for her pain will be found and treated...eventually.

Oddly the closest thing I've seen symptom wise has been chronic anxiety? She is seeing a neurologist soon in order to rule out any form of nerve damage or disorder, and then I imagine things will likely be steered along looking into possible psychological causes.. its tough to say and tough to watch, indeed things are tough all round, but we'll deal with things as they happen as that is what families do, and she is my mother, to do any less for her than my best wouldn't be right.

But it just goes to show you never can tell what is around the corner, every day something new and unexpected, good or bad, right or wrong.. every day is a new frontier upon which we are the pioneers, I only hope I find the new world in this instance with my mother beside me still.

be well, avid readers and be sure to phone your mothers and tell them you care..as you never know which tommorrow may be your last chance.